EXPRESSION IS A CHANNEL FOR HEALING AND FREEDOM. I HEAL MYSELF THROUGH THE ACT OF SELF-EXPRESSION, IN ALL ITS FORMS. IN SHARING THIS WORK, I INVITE YOU TO MEET ME IN MY TRUTH. MY TRUTH BEGETS YOUR TRUTH. WE WITNESS EACH OTHER. WE FEEL TOGETHER. WE MARVEL OVER THE WAYS WE ARE SO DEEPLY DIFFERENT AND THE WAYS WE ARE SO BREATHTAKINGLY CONNECTED.
09.14.2024
I was born in the Subarctic of Quebec - a cold, wild place. From infancy through to early adolescence, I found myself immersed in the rich customs of the Naskapi and Innu People of that territory. I grew up on the land, in close connection with the rocks, water, moss, air, snow, fish, caribou and pine. I learned early on that I am a guest here. I learned early on that there is much that I don’t know. I learned early on that there is a legacy connected with the colour of my skin that I am responsible for playing a part in righting.
We moved away when I was 12 and it was only in my 30s that I really began to wrap my mind around the impact that my childhood had on shaping how I show up to people, relationships and environments.
I have always been a creative, expressive person. I have been a drawer since my childhood. I had a career in graphic design. I create programs and experiences professionally. All of these I see as creative outlets but they never felt like an art practice. I went back to visit my childhood home, that cold, wild, place, in the spring of 2022 and upon my return, my artistic channel fully opened.
This deep desire to express on the page coincided with a period of intense, blazing anger. Much of that anger was very personal and old (finally coming to the surface after years of passive-aggressivity and recurring patterns of people pleasing). This fire was exacerbated by the endless news cycle of social unrest and global crisis.
For a few weeks, I attempted to tamper my anger by focusing on the positive. I told myself that what I needed was to draw something that wasn’t angry at all. I decided this was flowers. Happy, colourful flowers. For weeks, I drew them like a meditation in an attempt to quiet the bubbling aggression. One day, it finally boiled over. I slammed my phone down after another doom-scroll, jammed my crayon into my sketchbook, denting the page as I marked it violently with, “Even Flowers can be angry.” I was practically out of breath by the end of it.
I pulled back from my page after that release and thought, “Right… that’s right… all of us, every being, every creature, all the girls who were told to be pretty and contained, all the people who were taught to shrink and told to be small, every last cutesy, beautiful thing is allowed to be deeply angry.”
Anger is a righteous energy. An energy of protection and defense that is used to safe-guard those and that which you deem valuable and important. Anger was not something that I had much room to express as a child. As an adult, I find my anger (and yours) not only valid but also deeply important. It reminds me of the things I care about, that I have values that I live by, that I am alive and connected to those experiencing pain. It reminds me that there are things that I want to protect, that deserve protection.
I feel deeply the ways in which we are disconnected. We are taught to be disconnected - from our anger, from our desires, from each other, from the earth, from the animals whose lives we take when we consume them. My channel for reconnection (as confronting as it can feel) is my art.
My art has been a powerful practice for healing and freedom. The more I invite my anger in, the more depth and beauty I see in everything. I welcome the complete spectrum.
I don’t want this healing to end with me. Frankly, I don’t believe that it could end with me even if I tried because we are all deeply intertwined. We are connected and responsible for each other. We are flowers. We are all beautiful, unique, alive beings. The spectrum of our emotions and experience matters dearly.
When we express, we release.
When we release, we heal.
When we heal, we can see.
When I see me, I see you.
When I see you, I can see us.
With love,
Erin
Captured at home by the wonderful Dena Anwar.
